Illinibucks
Meet Dave. He's a soon to be college freshman, on the hunt for the school he'll call home for the next four years. A visit was scheduled to tour the University of Illinois, and he's driving towards the campus right now. While he's sure the tour will be great, he's also really looking forward to visiting his brother, who's currently a senior. As he drives down the highway, he passes the sign that says he's approaching his destination. Peering down the road, he see's what looks like might be a great wall of some sort. Needing to resolve this mystery, he puts the pedal to the metal and races towards it. He hits a bump and the information packet that the University sent him fell from the dash and the contents spilled everywhere. Maintaining his speed, he reaches down to pick up what fell, when he sees what looks like a role of cash money protruding from the information packet. He picks them up and unravels the roll with one hand, and is surprised to see the bills decorated not with a past United States President, but one of a a wise old man, dressed in Native American apparel. Arched over his head was the word "Illinibucks" and the denomination was marked in the corners. Dave glances back up to see that there's a line of people stretching across the road. He slams on the breaks and his car starts screaming, but the car doesn't seem to be slowing down.
There's another bump in the road, Dave drops the Illinibucks and loses control of the wheel. The car veers hard to the left and goes up on two wheels, rolls for ten yards then falls on its side. The car slides to a halt. Dave gets out of the car, dazed. He realizes the wall he saw was actually a line of people, and approaches one of the people to ask what it's all about. He finds out that they're all standing in line, waiting for entry into the University. And this isn't the only line that exists. There's a similar line in all the auditoriums, with students waiting to get their diplomas; sick patients in McKinley waiting to get treated; and trapped travelers trying to get off the bus. Dave couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why was this happening? It all had to do with the Illinibucks he was told. Still dazed, Dave didn't understand everything he was hearing. There were just but and pieces he was able to hear but not entirely comprehend - Illinibucks, everyone jumping to the front, never ending. It sounded terrible, and worst of all, the time of his campus tour was approaching.
Dave decided to call his brother to see if he could be any help. His brother drove out and picked him up. Confused, Dave asked how he managed to get out to pick him up without staying in an endless line. It turns out only clueless freshman use the Illinibucks. The wiser and more experienced have learned not to use the line system. They just go and do whatever they please. His brother explained this as they entered a line to get some Starbucks. It seemed like a normal looking line. They then walked straight to the front, Dave's brother dropped a trunk full of Illinibucks on the counter and paid for two pumpkin spiced lattes with his credit card. As they drank their lattes, Dave's brother explained that there were two systems in place on campus that use the Illinibucks. The cost of using the Illinibucks was low in Champaign and and high in Urbana. The upperclassmen had stockpiled their bucks over the years, and had the power to use them in Urbana. Meanwhile in Champaign, where most of the lowerclassmen are, bucks are high, prices low, and experience is lacking. Hence the never ending lines. Dave decided to go to a different university instead.
There's another bump in the road, Dave drops the Illinibucks and loses control of the wheel. The car veers hard to the left and goes up on two wheels, rolls for ten yards then falls on its side. The car slides to a halt. Dave gets out of the car, dazed. He realizes the wall he saw was actually a line of people, and approaches one of the people to ask what it's all about. He finds out that they're all standing in line, waiting for entry into the University. And this isn't the only line that exists. There's a similar line in all the auditoriums, with students waiting to get their diplomas; sick patients in McKinley waiting to get treated; and trapped travelers trying to get off the bus. Dave couldn't believe what he was hearing. Why was this happening? It all had to do with the Illinibucks he was told. Still dazed, Dave didn't understand everything he was hearing. There were just but and pieces he was able to hear but not entirely comprehend - Illinibucks, everyone jumping to the front, never ending. It sounded terrible, and worst of all, the time of his campus tour was approaching.
Dave decided to call his brother to see if he could be any help. His brother drove out and picked him up. Confused, Dave asked how he managed to get out to pick him up without staying in an endless line. It turns out only clueless freshman use the Illinibucks. The wiser and more experienced have learned not to use the line system. They just go and do whatever they please. His brother explained this as they entered a line to get some Starbucks. It seemed like a normal looking line. They then walked straight to the front, Dave's brother dropped a trunk full of Illinibucks on the counter and paid for two pumpkin spiced lattes with his credit card. As they drank their lattes, Dave's brother explained that there were two systems in place on campus that use the Illinibucks. The cost of using the Illinibucks was low in Champaign and and high in Urbana. The upperclassmen had stockpiled their bucks over the years, and had the power to use them in Urbana. Meanwhile in Champaign, where most of the lowerclassmen are, bucks are high, prices low, and experience is lacking. Hence the never ending lines. Dave decided to go to a different university instead.
Before getting to the subject matter of your post, note that The Nobel Prize in Economics will be awarded this week. For the last several years, I have been predicting that Baumol will win it. If he does, we can have a little celebration about that.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to see you had some fun with this post. I hope this Dave is not somehow related to the character Dave in 2001 (played by Keir Dullea in the movie), who had to deal with the rogue computer Hal. Your story seems like science fiction, so the parallel is apt. I wonder if you've seen it.
Now, trying to read between the lines, I wonder if we could actually think through the going to another university conclusion that you reached. Are there good substitutes for the U of I if you are an in state student? Among the publics, what about ISU or SIU? Are those reasonable alternatives? Going out of state to Wisconsin or Purdue, for example, might be a good experience, but then you'd be paying out-of-state-tuition. And, of course, private universities are quite pricey as well. Might it be that there is no decent substitute for the U of I for in state students? If so, might that go a long way to explaining all those long lines?
On a different point, several students have commented about lines at McKinley, which is new for me this year. I don't recall students writing about that in the past. Can you get some preliminary help by talking to a nurse on the phone? I also wonder, if your parents have health insurance coverage for you, whether that would cover a doctor visit to one of the non-university providers in CU. Ever try something like that?
Unfortunately, I haven't seen 2001 yet. It is on my list. The closest inspiration I could think of for this story, or at least the beginning, would be the movie Meet Dave. There is a science fiction element to it. I've never seen that movie either, but I think the advertising was so abundant that it stuck in my head.
DeleteConsidering the hypothetical situation, any school would be a better substitute for the U of I, as long as a similar system wasn't in place. But, yes, there's the price of the alternatives to consider. Compared to some of the in-state alternatives, the relative competition for admission to U of I is much higher , so if the student is a U of I prospect, they might receive some nice offers in terms of scholastic awards. So at the very least the price might be less, at the loss of some prestige. Still, it's better than waiting in line forever.
Personally, I've only used McKinley a few times. The waits didn't seem unreasonably long. One of the times I went because something flew into my eye. I was in distress, and that wait was pretty short. So I think they're pretty good about moving things along when the time calls for it.
This sounds like an information problem, obviously. Lowerclassmen don't know how to work around Illinibucks, and upperclassmen don't care about Illinibucks because they all have a ton of them. But this begs the question: if all the lowerclassmen are screwed by lines and forced into playing the Illinibucks game, why do the upperclassmen have so many bucks? It seems to me that the reason Urbana doesn't have many lines is because everyone living there is out of Illinibucks and thus there is no reason for business to enforce them. There would be so few Illinibucks in the area that the anomaly students who still have them have little effect on the local queues.
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